I have chosen to use the rather dated slang ‘birds’ to describe girls or rather young women, quite deliberately in this piece. I do so despite it being both dated and I assume sexist within the modern ‘woke’ climate. As a passé and perhaps now old fashioned word, I postulate that it went out of fashion around 1978 if not earlier. The reason it went out of fashion is quite obvious. As a word it is in some sense, if not all senses; demeaning and inappropriate. I choose to use this slang word today, for an aesthetic literary effect and that usage will become clearer as we progress.
I have had a Twitter account or as I prefer to call it tw*tter, for well over a year now. I am not that impressed with it. I don’t really understand it and I have no tangible idea of how on to use it to my advantage. In many ways my attitude towards the platform, is near identical to that of much of the Internet at large. The Internet in broad terms is a remarkable ‘invention’ but whether it is a great one, is rather open to debate. The technology has ‘revolutionised’ society but whether that has been for the general benefit of mankind is once again, open to debate.
Twitter like much of the Internet is a phenomenon beyond my understanding. Indeed it can be said that like much of modern life, not only do I not understand it but I don’t actually want to experience it. I have on occasion, been compared against standards to which I do not aspire. My lifestyle and indeed my life choices, causing some confusion. I am not therefore, a fully paid up member of this global, mainstream society and I have no desire to be so. I am repulsed by much that I observe today. There is much that I see which alienates me and I willingly embrace my state of hermit-hood.
I am currently on Twitter being followed by dozens of young ladies. The total number does vary rather, some disappear but they are quickly replaced by a new face, so to speak. All of these young ladies appear to share several common factors. First of all, I do not know them and they as far as I am aware, do not know me. Secondly and again as far as I can ascertain, we have nothing in common. Thirdly, the majority of these young ladies appear between rising in the morning and posing for their profile picture, to have lost the majority of their clothing.
I am informed that the majority of these accounts, have nothing at all to do with the persons whose photograph is being used. That these are fake accounts, spammers and quite possibly hackers. The object appears to engender interest in that person being followed (me in this case), to encourage a reciprocal follow back and the actual following of off-site links. I have observed that some of those following me and even liking my own tweets, include such web-links. These are usually to an unspecified dating site. The inclusion of a bikini clad, twenty-something young woman is therefore, a rather crude form of bait.
As should be clear by my words and by my general tone, the bait is not working. Instead it has engendered the aforementioned confusion and some mild amusement. I have not participated in reciprocal following and I have not ‘clicked’ on any links for fear of a potential computer virus. There has been no communication. Yet that does pose my usual question, how many people do fall for this confidence trick? That I do wonder.
I have embraced late middle age, I am almost sixty years old and aging does not perturb me in any serious manner. I like to think of myself as an intelligent man and I have been described as an educated one. I perceive myself as having and I choose to present, an air of intellectual and cultured disinterest in the world at large.
This air of intellectualism, indifference and the pride I have in my own literary achievements, does not automatically rule out the danger of acting foolishly. My family and friends are of the opinion that if I do not die of old age or illness, my cause of death will be a personal stupidity. All previous near-death events (and there have been a few), have been the result of a foolhardy lack of common sense, bordering on astounding idiocy.
Despite this lack of worldliness and a deliberate ignorance of world affairs, not to be confused with actually being ignorant. I am neither so stupid nor so foolishly conceited, to believe that a man of my age is a ‘catch’ for any such young woman. Nor have I any desire, sexually or otherwise, to embark upon an emotional relationship with such. The fact that these women are old enough to be my daughter and in some cases my granddaughter, is a major psychological barrier.
The situation I face on Twitter therefore, is not dissimilar to that I have faced on Facebook. There I have received friend requests and communications, from several young women. I here include the screen captures of such communications, to both amuse the reader and to illustrate the behaviour that I witness.
The persons behind the various accounts, whether Twitter or Facebook, are wasting their energy. What they hope to achieve and what the actual motive is behind their endeavours, is lost on me. I am not going to sign up to a generic dating site, I am not going to click on some unknown link and I am not going to ‘date’ a girl old enough to be my granddaughter.
Worryingly this does suggest that there are people quite unlike me. That there are people who are liable to sign up to a dating site, without asking pertinent questions and people who will click on potentially unsafe links. There are of course men who are willing to date girls (and I use girls and not women deliberately here), who are old enough to be their granddaughter but as I recently stated in such an online conversation, I am not Rupert Murdoch.
Daniel Bran Griffith - The Chattering Magpie 
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