Citizen Soldier – Reason To Live

How many nights have you waited for someone to care

Thinkin’ dyin’ is what you deserve?

Like a sad song that no one seems to understand

‘Cause some pain is just too much for words

No, I don’t know your name, no, I can’t see your face

But I’ve been to that place in the dark

So, in case you just needed to hear someone say

I’m so proud of you for getting this far

*

So, if you’re feeling like dyin’, no tears left for cryin’

Alone at the edge of a cliff

If you’re so sick of fighting the monsters you’re hidin’

And wonderin’ if you would be missed

You’re not the only one that’s feeling like this

If you’re hearin’ this song, it’s a gift

A reason to live

*

How many times have you reached out for anyone’s hand

From the depths of your personal hell?

And then counted the ways you could end all your pain

‘Cause you’re so tired of saving yourself

*

I’m a stranger at best, but please don’t second-guess

All the hope that you hear in my voice

This is not some cliché, promise you if you stay

Someday you’ll see that you were well worth that choice

*

So, if you’re feeling like dyin’, no tears left for cryin’

Alone at the edge of a cliff

If you’re so sick of fighting the monsters you’re hidin’

And wonderin’ if you would be missed

You’re not the only one that’s feeling like this

If you’re hearin’ this song, it’s a gift

*

What a beautiful truth that a human can choose

To become more than just what they feel

‘Cause the hell in your head will be nothing compared

To the person that it couldn’t kill

Source: Musixmatch Songwriters: Jacob Segura © Tunecore Global

Citizen Soldier ~ I’m Not Okay

Citizen Soldier ~ I’m Not Okay

Tonight the monsters in my head

Are screaming so damn loud

But I built walls so high

So they never even make a sound

*

It’s a mask, it’s a lie

It’s the only home I’ve ever known

‘Cause being who I really am

Has only left me more alone

I am not okay

And I need you to see it

I have so much to say

And no one to hear it

The reason I keep quiet

With so much at stake

I always feel like a burden, let it silence me

You’ll never understand

Why it’s so hard to say

I’m not okay

*

I wish I had a scar

Had a bruise on the surface, any kind of proof

That everything I feel is more than just some sad excuse

*

My life’s invisible abuse

I’m either judged or have to hide

The only symptom you can see

Is I don’t wanna be alive

*

I am not okay

And I need you to see it

I have so much to say

And no one to hear it

The reason I keep quiet

With so much at stake

I always feel like a burden, let it silence me

You’ll never understand

Why it’s so hard to say

*

I’ll never have the words, I can’t explain this hell

But what if it kills me

If I keep it to myself?

To myself

*

I am not okay

And I need you to see it

I have so much to say

And no one to hear it

I am not okay

I am not okay

I’m never safe

It’s not a phase

If I finally break

Would you still stay?

*

Tonight the monsters in my head

Are screaming so damn loud

Songwriters: Juan Rivero / Kooper Hanosky / Matthew Duffney / Kyle Persell / Jacob Segura

I’m Not Okay lyrics © Tunecore Global

A lack of professional empathy

Earlier this year in May or June of 2023, we had a Healthcare Assistant join us on the ward from the staffing pool. A pleasant young woman and quite an easy to get along with sort. She shared with us a tale about her experience of another unrelated unit but at the same hospital. Her story I found personally not simply shocking but professionally disappointing.

The young lady in question had a year or so before, found her sister dead at home. She did not give the precise details or expand on the matter. I was left with the opinion and it seemed quite understandable to me, that she found the matter difficult to talk about. The death of her sister was not an expected one and finding her dead on the sofa of the family home, was clearly a distressing experience. Yet it was what she told me next that truly shocked me.

The young lady went on to describe how on returning to work, she was asked to perform the ‘last offices’ for a deceased patient. This requires close personal contact, the washing of the deceased and dressing them in some appropriate garment.

This procedure she did not feel ready to perform and asked to be excused. Her request was shockingly, declined. With embarrassed laughter apparently, the staff nurse present told her to carry on. The HCA did do just that, as best as she could anyway. Despite being close to tears, emotionally unstable and feeling with justification in my opinion, professionally unsupported. She bravely carried on and she did her best.

I am not impressed by this lack of professional support, empathy or understanding. I remember all too well how I felt when my brother died, because he took his own life. That awful loss triggered a mental breakdown and when I eventually returned to work, I was unable to care for the dying or the dead, for almost a year. Wounds like that and memories of a very difficult situation, can run very deep.

 It disappoints me that a fellow healthcare professional and indeed a fellow nurse, should have shown such a lack of understanding. That they whosoever they were, should be so lacking in empathy. It is said that time heals, not all wounds perhaps but many we hope. Clearly the young woman in question, needed time to come to terms with her own tragic loss.

On a personal level and I hope to God that if I should face a similar situation, I can support my team. I pray that I am suitably sympathetic to their own personal difficulties and that I do not let them down when they need my empathy.

https://www.tumblr.com/chattering-magpie-uk/722373841028005888/nhs-rainbow

THERE IS NO GREATER SORROW

Never Before Have I Been This Calm

And so we came forth and once again beheld the stars. – Dante Alighieri.

A Witness for the Prosecution

There is no greater sorrow – Dante Alighieri

What does it mean to save a life?

In silence, we cry.

Ugliness and Ingratitude

Companions of Water

https://www.tumblr.com/chattering-magpie-uk/680953516176687104/not-my-role-model